Archive for November, 2013
“Monogamy Isn’t Broken, But We Are” by Samantha on Not Your Mother’s Playground ( Relationship, Self-Awareness, Sex and Culture ) 10/25/13
I wholeheartedly agree with this and find it beautifully stated. If more of us caught on to this, I truly suspect it would shift the collective perception and experience of relationship—to a healthier, more open, more authentic place.
“Why I Believe in Polyamory, But Still Feel It’s Problematic” by Frances Amaroux ( Relationship, Sex and Culture, Self-Awareness ) 10/21/13
I especially love #4 on the pro-polyamory list. I do feel truly nurturing and supportive relationships take emotional maturity in general, but I can see the author’s point that in our current cultural manifestation, non-monogamous orientations could seem to lean particularly on emotional maturity and/or self-awareness. Basically, I feel this piece offers relevant practical points about non-monogamy any who are interested in or practicing it may want or do well to consider.
“Polyamory and a Sports Metaphor” by noblecaboose (Sex and Culture, Sociology, Relationship) 11/7/13
Due to my attendance at an all-day event (and falling into bed after I got home) yesterday, I was online a total of about six minutes and didn’t get a chance to mention that kick-ass editor and author Alison Tyler featured pictures of what I call my “erotica cove” on her blog yesterday. See them here! I love it when AT asks for fun pictures. :)
She’s inviting all readers to send in pics of their own bookshelves (mine happens to be completely sex-related, but of course they don’t have to be!)—see her post here with the official solicitation if you’re interested! ;)
I have a whole separate bookshelf just for my sex stuff. :)
-from my note to AT with my bookshelf pictures
I’ll be frank: this piece is about something I’ve found vaguely annoying for some time. I was reminded of it when I encountered a couple days ago yet another spielabout women’s pubic hair and why they’re supposedly doing and/or should or should not be doing whatever they’re doing with it.
I truly don’t understand what I’ve perceived as the intensity of some responses about the deliberate presence or absence of pubic hair. It seems to especially be an issue when it concerns female-bodied people removing their pubic hair or not, and I really don’t understand why anyone seems to think it’s his/her/their business what anyone else does with his/her/their pubic hair. Seriously, I am baffled by this.
I’ve seen some male-identified people say things like, “Please, stop shaving your pubic hair. We like it to be there!” (I’m not sure whether every man in the world congregated to let these particular ones know what they all like—and that it, astonishingly, happens to be the same thing—or how else any respective man feels justified proposing this, but that may be another post…or, perhaps, I’ll just let this little parenthetical speak for itself.) I’ve seen female-identified people, as well, seem to lament some current “style” of pubic hair for women and appear to proclaim what women “should” do with it.
In the case of the former, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, gentlemen, but I don’t shave my pubic hair because I think you like it or because you want me to or really because of you at all. I do it because I prefer it that way. Does that seem so surprising? For a variety of reasons, I prefer my vulva to be shaven, and I frankly don’t see that as anyone’s business but my own.
As far as the latter, if you don’t feel you need to or should need to remove your pubic hair to feel or look attractive, by all means don’t. I can hardly imagine why someone would feel pressured to do something with her/his/their pubic hair that was unwanted because of some perceived “style”—and I’ve worked as a porn performer, webcam model, and stripper. For whatever reason, I didn’t ever encounter pressure one way or the other (aside from customer requests) from anyone about what I did with my pubic hair in any of those contexts. I was generally either trimming or shaving at that time, so maybe that’s why, but I never interpreted anyone’s seeming to find it an issue or insist on anything one way or another.
When I got my hair cut last summer, I didn’t experience anyone’s saying to me, “Oh, dear, you cut your hair. I wish women would quit cutting their hair because they think it makes them more attractive to men! Please, just leave it long!” I presume that’s because it’s understood that it is up to me how to wear my hair and not the place of anyone else to suggest to me what I should do with it or why.
Why would that seem different with pubic hair? So what if something is “in style”? We don’t seem to complain a lot when people cut the hair on their heads a way that is in style. More to the point, why do we presume it is anyone’s business but the person’s in question what someone’s pubic hair “style” is?
Once in a great while I have encountered a piece on this subject I’ve found very cool—like this one from Alyssa Royse last year. But the very reason I find it cool is because it was obviously about what she wants to do and why. Why anyone would say much of anything else about pubic hair style, I truly don’t know.
-Jimmy Eat World “The Middle”
“Photographer Puts Two Strangers Together For Intimate Photographs, And The Results Are Surprising” by Sean Levinson (Recommended Watch, Non-Sex-Related, Sociology, Consciousness) 10/21/13
I cried watching this. I feel such personal, profound gratitude to this photographer for doing this, and I love that it is available for us to witness via this video.
“Resolution” by Anne Almasy (Relationship, Sociology, Professionalism, Capitalism) 2/25/13
I found this honest and beautiful. I was especially struck that even though I myself feel little to no interest in marriage, I still saw and felt very moved by the overarching point of her message.
“‘Princess Bride’ star Patinkin reveals his favorite line in the film” on CBS This Morning [autoplay warning] (Recommended Watch, Non-Sex-Related, Self-Awareness) Undated
I simply adore this. I do understand the draw of the first line he mentions, but it doesn’t resonate so much with me for the exact reason he gives after he states his own favorite line toward the end.
I’m really delighted to be appearing as a guest today on the blog of Adriana Kraft, the husband-and-wife writing team with whom I’ve been acquainted online for years (Adriana and I both had stories in 2010’s The Cougar Book) but actually got to meet in person a few weeks ago at the inaugural Hot Mojave Knights! For my guest spot, entitled “What’s in a Label?: Subjectivity in Art and Life,” I wrote a bit about my experience at the event, as well as a not-so-new question we were asked on the erotica panel and an unexpected insight that resulted later.
I’d love it if you’d stop by, and big thanks to Adriana for hosting me!
To be sure, there are requirements that writing labeled romance must fulfill in order to take on that label. And my work sometimes doesn’t. For one thing, rather than the happily-ever-after ending imperative in romance, many of my stories do end up with happy characters, but it has much more to do with sex that just occurred than with any purported ongoing relationship between them. In some stories, the ending might even seem more ambiguous than happy. But I have also written stories that seem to fit the general erotic romance delineation, and perhaps my own wariness about whether I’m doing that “right” is less significant than how readers experience it.
-from “What’s in a Label?”